It is a daily struggle. One day I am thrilled and enjoying being a single, 21 year old lady, and the next, I am scarfing down Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice-cream, texting my best girl friends; complaining, and drowning my brain in chick flick movies just to "feel better." As I began to write this, my roommate came out and squealed over how excited she was to watch "Just Wright." A chick flick. I have never ever seen this movie. But by her reaction, the longing in her heart exploded right in front of my face.
I have had a fair share of relationships so far in my lifetime. All of which ended at some point, for better or for worse, but they shaped me. Believe it or not. They all had a little corner of impact on my life. Although, I cannot help but think of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" at this point and time.
We must understand that:
[:: We are made for relationships::]
I do not regret anything from the past. I have been cut deep; some of which have healed completely, others which have left scars. Healed, but still visible. Healed, and somehow, He makes them beautiful. Even though these relationships ended, and even though it hurt so bad sometimes that I got sick, His promise remains full. He is faithful. He will provide for me. He loves me. I will know when (and who) that man is in His will. The one in which He has called him to love me unconditionally and I, in return.
I am sure some of you can, without a doubt, agree with me when I say: holy relationships, engagements & weddings! People, they are literally everywhere. Ladies, this is what we want. This is what we desire. To be loved by a man. Unconditionally. Who knows our hearts and makes us laugh. Who walks with us and supports us in our dreams. Who loves us tenderly and cares even when we think we don't need him; that we can handle it on our own. This is hard seeing all of this come up around us. IT IS PRESSURE. It makes us cry at night. It makes us flirt excessively. It makes us DESPERATE. But what are we desperate for? What is it that we so long for?
Ladies, for me, oh, I think about my per se "dream" man OFTEN. Like he really is Prince Charming or something... I look for his characteristics in every single guy I meet. I look. I seek. I find, but sometimes, it just "doesn't work out" with that so called "maybe, baby." And I get hurt, trying...to make him like me. When really, that is not what God wants for me and my heart.
I would like for you to take a moment and think about or write down the characteristics of your dream guy...
Now, here are my 10 top traits:
1) He has to deeply love Jesus.
2) He has to make me laugh.
3) He has to have some musical ability/inclination (vocal/instrumental).
4) He has to support me in my dreams.
5) He has to have at least a little bit of a traveler's heart.
6) He has to be good looking (at least to me).
7) He has to be able to cook, bake/want to learn how.
8) He has to be confident and growing in confidence.
9) He has to be loving.
10) He has to be kind and respectful.
Do we have any in common? :)
In writing out these traits, at one point, past experiences, traits that I know I like, and traits that I would love to find all popped into my little brain at some point or another. That is common! If you have no experience with past relationships, that's okay! I believe firmly that these specific traits have been laid on your heart for a reason; because they are compatible with you and who you were created to be.
Now, for me, one trait that is really hard to accept about a man sometimes is that when something is wrong with you, it is common that he tries to fix it. He wants to be the hero. The one who makes it all better. And ladies, we hate this sometimes! It's a battle of I really love that you care, stop talking to me...I can handle this myself or you don't care. I just need someone to cry with me. Go away. Is this not true? We have to realize that when this happens, he is only trying to care. But in reality, we ALSO want those who will cry with us. That's when the girl friends come in; with the 4 pound Hershey bar.
We use yet another 4 pound Hershey bar like 2 days later to get us through this time of singleness in our lives. One thing that I have realized lately is that: maybe this time of singleness I am in is for the betterment of myself and of the man I marry before we even meet. I know, it is hard to enjoy a time like this when the world around you is throwing the pressure of happy relationships and 50,000 engagements and marriages at a time at you daily. It is hard to be satisfied. Truly satisfied. Like we are starving all the time for something more. Something that we long and dream for; which is normal.
Today, I was thinking: "Am I ever going to get married?" I texted two of my best lady friends and asked them the same question. Both responses were great, but there was one that just blew me away that I just had to share with you. She says this:
Girl, you are not alone on that one! I go in between stressing out thinking I'll never get married and then enjoying being single...I heard someone compare being single to fasting--there are a lot of parallels: it's okay to long for food, but if we just wait til the fast is over, we didn't get anything out of it. It's not about giving up food, but what you turn your focus to. We are designed to want food and we are designed to want a relationship. We aren't supposed to feel guilty for wanting that...God really knows us and what's in the future.
This word from my dear friend really made a lot of sense in my mind. And was so encouraging. In our time of singleness, it is not about being single, it is about what and who we turn our focus to in that season. It is not wrong to want a relationship or to be married, but it all has its own time. And in that time, we must be satisfied with what God has given us and who He is for us.
You could say that everyday, I know that His promise for me is true and unchanging. In this time of singleness, I know in my heart that He has someone in mind that I just might like. Someone who comes no where close to what my past relationships were for me. Someone who is better. Because in this time, I have grown, and you will, too, to be better. It is because of Him that I have a hope in my heart for the future. I will still struggle daily, but it is His promise, and only His promise, that I have to hold onto. Not the pint of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream I bought a few days ago (literally), not for all of the chick flicks, love songs, or chocolate in the world. But for Him.
In this time of singleness, press into the precious opportunity of growing in yourself. Get to know your dreams, your desires, and take the time to appreciate it all. I know I have. And then, one day, he will come for the pursuit of his "lady in waiting." And it will be just so beautiful. Sisters, have faith. You are breathtaking! You will be provided for. And your story of waiting will be one worth sharing.
If you would like to share a story with me, or just to talk, ask questions, etc, please email me at:
singlikecrazy@msn.com
I am here for you and would love to walk this journey with you!
Much love, beauties,
Rachel Yvonne Kuhl
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