I am in a night class on Mondays called Practical Theology. I know, it sounds like we all might as well just start drooling and playing Frogger now. But really, this class has impressed me. The topics covered and talked about have not been easy; not once.
Tonight, we talked about marriage and ministry. It sounds like just a normal topic spoken about inside and outside of the Church, but really it is quite as polar opposite as the north is to the south.
Here are 84 different points that were made by a panel of two ministry couples, one of which works at Colorado Christian University as professors. These are the opinions and experiences of those in the class and those who were part of the panel. There is such beauty in them all. Read through them. You might find something you have never begun to think about. See if there are any that you can relate to: married, single, dating, or engaged...
1) Just because one of you is called to something, doesn't mean the other is too.
2) There is a difference in volunteering to partake and expectation.
3) The schedule (in ministry) is a little bit of a challenge sometimes.
4) As a family, or spouse, involved in ministry, you are very, very cared for.
5) How do you make your community and social life in church when your spouse may be working through something with them?
6) It can be demanding and people have expectations of you: appearance, behavior, etc.
7) Be able to have boundaries between ministry and private life.
8) Husbands and wives working on church staff—healthy? Prayer.
9) When the future is distant, it seems super impossible.
10) Giving is very big in relationships. It is poisonous to be selfish.
11) Best for my spouse/family? Or best for me?
12) That other person is going to have a calling on their life, too.
13) Better to understand this somewhat before getting married.
14) Share life.
15) Biggest challenge is learning to work together.
16) Go where God is putting on your heart.
17) Two different ships going in two different directions does happen sometimes.
(Just don't marry that person)…
18) Bring the stress home? —-> People who lead in the Church, still have problems.
19) It is hard to keep stuff from your best friend (they can read you).
20) Let stuff out in a healthy way; whether it’s on your spouse or something/someone else.
21) Be able to vent/know other couples in ministry that go to different churches.
22) Make sure to get out; plan it; weekly/monthly, etc. in a healthy way
23) Always be biased to your spouse.
24) Be careful in how you approach conversations about other people that your spouse may know.
25) Be able to discern well.
26) Constant juggling act.
27) Speak life.
28) You marry their family: in daily lives somewhere at some point in some way, every day.
29) Engagement is a weird mix of bliss & everyone’s opinions.
30) Functional or not; they are there (their family).
31) The bride is always right (weddings).
32) It’s a new level of different going from engaged to married.
33) Splitting holidays between families.
34) You have to do what is best for your family; sometimes telling somebody “no.”
35) Do something with your spouse as your own special thing before you go see family.
36) Reach out to other people outside of your family that may have no place to go for holidays.
37) It can be hard to let go sometimes.
38) You don't have to absolutely always be on the exact same page theologically, or at all, so don't freak out over some little small agreement.
39) If you are dating a non-believer, stop.
40) You are not each other’s pastor.
41) Accountability partners of same sex.
42) Don’t try to give them all the answers in a season.
43) You journey together.
44) They are just as weak and vulnerable as you are.
45) You can always learn something from your spouse.
46) Your marriage isn't anybody else’s. Don’t try to be another couple; you are NOT “the perfect couple…”
47) How you perceive someone should be can be dangerous and toxic…
48) Please don’t force them to be something they are not.
49) Don’t allow in unhealthy expectations of yourself or your spouse.
50) Each relationship is different.
51)[://Don’t divide and conquer; unite and accomplish//:]
52) Reality is messy.
53) Invest time in strong Christian couples (friends)
54) Don’t put on facades.
55) You can’t avoid ups and downs of life.
56) Every relationship should be driven by friendship.
57) What does that person look like when…?
58) Engaging one another spiritually even if the way you engage is different.
59) Find one way that you can minister together.
60) Learn to appreciate each other’s values…remember to admire your spouse.
61) Take joy in what they are learning; even if it might be intimidating.
62) My relationship with God is no lesser than my spouse’s.
63) Children in ministry: PK’s (Pastor Kids)—>there is a spectrum of following Christ or choosing not to
—>Be their parent first.
—>Surround yourself with mentors
64) Wellness counseling (individual and together)
65) Professional counseling before marriage (not people you know)
66) It’s okay to say you need help in your relationship (ALWAYS)—>do not wait too long.
67) Counseling can save marriages many times.
68) Sometimes you need to make some major life changes
69) Ministry will cost you in your marriage
70) How did you love your husband? your children? your family? NOT: how big was my ministry? etc?
71) When you don’t know yourself, you can’t love somebody else.
72) Each marriage has their own problems.
74) Don’t let them put expectations on you and your family (examine it).
75) [://It all comes back to priorities//:]
—>What do you have to cut to come back and save what is dying? (Bob Goff)
76) TRUTH: Ministry is super prone to affairs: very unexpected people: no one is immune to that: it is such a people person job: really guard & protect and know it is a reality.
77) Your spouse’s job is not to guard your heart: YOU GUARD YOUR OWN.
78) Stop getting only the help you WANT.
79) Our parents always love us even if they don’t communicate it correctly.
80) Get advice from a couple that you admire.
81) Allow yourself to find and know and spend time around good relational marriages.
82) With God and the help of the Church, it is possible.
83) Have things to be proud of in your spouse.
84) Pride in awe.
(what He has done through your spouse)
Much love.
Rachel Yvonne
No comments:
Post a Comment